Silent Influence: How Your Actions Shape the Lives of Others

People are watching you, but not for the reasons you think.

Many people feel self-conscious, constantly asking, “What do others think of me?” This has become an epidemic in the age of social media, especially for teens who compare their lives to the photoshopped ideals portrayed online.

Someone once said that if you knew how little people think about you, you would stop caring. But that doesn’t mean people don’t watch us. They do.

One day, I came home with an idea that my wife considered crazy. (I’m sure she wondered if this was my mid-life crisis!) I told her I had decided to take karate. As a middle-aged man with grown children, one in college, this idea seemed hair-brained.

I enrolled in the class. As I looked around, the next youngest was 15. Even the teacher was younger than I was. But I dove in with relish, twisting and torquing a body that did not make a good pretzel.

The whole time, a man unknown to me brought his son and sat in the seats reading a newspaper, seemingly uninterested. However, I had to quit when I moved to a new ministry position in another city.

At my last class, this man approached me. “I’ve been watching you. I need to do something with my son, and you gave me the courage to try it.”

I was floored. Who knew?

People make choices by watching what others do. We are social creatures, taking cues from those around us. I have attended dinners with four forks and a dozen plates. Which fork should I use? I always watched the most confident person in the room and did as they did.

We tend to order as others do with a, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

People are watching, but they are watching for what benefits them. They care about what they want, not what you want. That’s why impressing others wastes precious time.

This means each one of us has an impact on another.

That impact can be negative.

Every parent wants to know who their kids’ friends are. That’s because children will become like them in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Bad language is not inborn but copied from others.

We have developed all kinds of maxims to express this idea:

One bad apple ruins the whole basket.

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

Paul emphasized the same idea. To the Corinthians, so riddled with selfishness and self-will, he warned:

“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Corinthians 15:33, ESV)

Yet, the impact can skew in the right way.

We watch others hold doors for others and do the same. In traffic, courteous drivers also inspire others to be courteous.

I am convinced this happens to grown children who watch their aged parents.

My mother developed Parkinson’s disease and eventually had to enter a nursing home. My father got up every morning, ate his bowl of cereal, and went to the nursing home. He would sit there, watching TV with her and reading the paper when she napped.

I was watching. I learned how a man should treat his wife. This lesson did not come from a church sermon or a class. I simply watched.

What does this mean for you and me?

Decide to live your life in such a way that you create better people. If you don’t like gossip and backbiting, speak positively about everything. If you want civility in politics, eliminate the current method of defaming others who don’t believe as you do.

If you want pleasant people, be pleasant. Smile. Help others when they are hurt.

People do what people see. As Mahatma Gandhi observed:

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

As Jesus said:

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16, ESV)

Not many recognize Mary Mallon. She was an Irish-born American who cooked for a living, serving dozens of meals each day. The problem is she made people sick. At least 50 people died after coming into contact with her. She was a carrier of the salmonella disease, earning her the nickname Typhoid Mary.

Don’t let your life pass by without silently helping others. Decide the life you want to live and show it.