Reflecting on Friendship: Lessons from a Lifetime of Connections

Look in the mirror. Why are you who you are today?

Is it nurture or nature? The Broadway musical My Fair Lady, based on George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion, grapples with this question. While there’s no definitive answer, you might have a clue.

Consider the imposing Mississippi River, which begins as the modest Lake Itasca in Minnesota. This lake spills into streams that flow south, gaining volume and speed as tributaries like the Missouri and Ohio Rivers join in. When the Mississippi reaches the Gulf of Mexico, it’s a single river formed from countless sources.

Our lives are much the same.

This past weekend, I traveled to perform the funeral of a dear friend of nearly 40 years. Verna Ann was a cherished friend and a surrogate grandmother to our children. Her home was filled with laughter and joy, and meals at her table were rich with small talk and wisdom.

As I drove home, I realized that a part of me had died with her, yet a part of her lived on in me.

Our parents raised us and then set us free. Friends and acquaintances come and go, but the best ones stick like Velcro. Each person becomes a part of us.

Solomon noted what makes a full life, comparing it to a rope made of individual threads. As the threads intertwine, strength emerges:

“And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12, ESV)

As I age, I lose many people who have poured life into me. With each tear shed in goodbye, I learn a vital lesson: make good friends.

John Donne said that no man is an island. We all interact with others, some of who don’t improve us.  Seek out those who enhance who you are. Find people who offer lasting wisdom and set an example worth following.

Timothy had Paul. David found Jonathan. Friendships like those are rare and valuable. Collect them throughout your life, for they will be your treasure.

Cultivate Friendships

A neglected plant withers and dies, and so do relationships.

Text or call people. Some say, “It’s been so long since I contacted them. They’ll resent my call.” They won’t. They’ll be overjoyed.

In December, I called a friend I hadn’t spoken to in years. I was nervous, but the call thrilled him. He died three months later after a freak fall. I’m glad I overcame my fear.

Integrate Their Lives into Yours

Ask yourself, “What did this person tell me? Show me? Do for me?”

Incorporate their influence into your life. Stop and watch children at Chick-fil-A while eating ice cream. Help a neighbor in need. I have friends who have done both.

The best way to remember someone is to carry on their life in yours.

You never know what someone means to you until they are gone. Live in a way that people weep at your funeral and live better because of you.