Beyond Self: The Art of Noticing ‘Others’ in Our Midst

Do you notice the “other?”

While our house is being repaired, we are in a hotel. At breakfast each morning, I see a couple.

They are about my age. The man is always seated, and his wife gets up to get things. They, like many, are here for the same reason we are–we can’t go home yet. We live in a comfortable refugee space.

But then, they get up to leave, and the man shuffles as his wife takes him by the hand to steady him.

I realized he has Parkinson’s and is in a foreign place, something that must confuse him.

They are my “other.” The “others” have larger problems than I do. They have more obstacles to overcome, difficulties to face, and complexities than do I. I ask forgiveness for self-pity and make my mental note.

Someone else is always in worse condition.

Jesus noticed the “other.”

As he was dying on the cross, his pain crushed his body. He was dying, and it is only human to focus on our own problems. But he didn’t.

At the base of the cross, he saw his beloved disciple John with his mother. He made sure she was cared for. Her need eclipsed his own.

And there were the thieves, screaming in agony, but he gave hope to one. He noticed the “other.”

He also noticed “the other” in us. His death was not for crimes committed by his hand but by ours. We are his “other.”

When I feel uncomfortable, I need to stop and ask myself a simple question: Who is worse than I am? Look around, and you’ll see them.

Parents with children in cancer hospitals.

A woman with furniture on the curb because the bank is foreclosing.

A man walking into the hospital to say goodbye to his father for the last time.

So before I complain, I must look for the other. After all, my petty problems pale in comparison.

Do you notice the “other?”