Beyond Sadness: The Gift of a Regret-Free Goodbye

Life is too short to live with regrets.

Regret comes in two dimensions.

People look back at life and see mistakes, shortcomings, and errors. In Hebrews 13, the writer describes Esau looking back to what seemed to be an insignificant time in his life. He sold his birthright to his brother Jacob, forfeiting his future position. Later, he saw the door closed, and regret was his only companion.

There’s another one. Daniel Pink, in The Power of Regret, describes it as more painful. It is undone in life, especially with people.

This past week, I received a phone call out of the blue. The voice on the other end had tears in its tone. It was a woman whose husband had died unexpectedly. She called to tell me he had died.

John was a friend that I never forgot. He was a generation older than I but was vigorous to the end. People loved him, and he loved people. His second career in financial planning helped me make decisions that paid off 30 years later.

His death came as a result of a fall that caused a brain bleed. Unexpected. Shocking. Painful.

But I received the phone call free of the second-guessing of “I wish I had…”

Time had passed since I last saw John in person, but people nudge our minds occasionally. For me, that was John. His name kept picking at me last year.

Finally, in December, I found the last number I had and pressed the button. On the other end of the line was a friendly voice, one from more than a third of a century ago. Yet, the conversation fell into the kind of pattern that comes from mutual respect.

He told me he was 94 and feeling fine. The call did not last long, about ten minutes. But it closed with two things. One was a request that I conduct his funeral when he died, and the other was an appreciation for calling him.

That’s why John’s wife’s call was only sad. I was so glad I took 10 minutes amid the busy Christmas season to call him.

So I will travel to do his service as he requested. I will miss him, but I won’t travel with the regret of “I wish I had.”

What do you need to do today to avoid the “what if” feeling? Don’t delay because you don’t know if you have another day. Visit a hospital room. Say, “I love you.” Make the call. Fear sometimes stops us, but it will help you…and them.

So do today to avoid regrets tomorrow.